[Lesson 6 in a series on juggling roles, relationships and responsibilities.]
Hats
come in all shapes and styles. And they
serve a variety of purposes: a helmet protects your head, a sun hat obviously
is intended to keep the sun out of your eyes, a touque/ stocking cap keeps your
head and ears warm. Some do dual duty
like my Tilly Hat that keeps my head dry when it is rainy, shades my eyes when
it’s sunny, and covers icky hair when I’m camping. All the hats have one thing in common: they
were made to be worn. In order for a hat
to be more than a dust collector or decoration, a hat needs a head. And just like a hat needs a head to be all
that it is indended to be, we need each other. Relationships – friendships - together,
helping each other to be all God designed and desires.
Different
temperaments and even spiritual giftedness will determine the number of friends
needed at any one given time. As a mom,
it is important to realize that your children will not each need the same
number of friends. You may want and need more friends
then your husband, or vice-versa. It is
how God wired each of you.
One
may need a group. They need lots of friends around them and in their lives. Who and how many are constantly
changing. For these extroverts, having
friends plays a big part in their self-esteem. Extrovert does not necessarily
mean outgoing, but that they draw energy from being with other people. Yes, there are quiet, even shy, extroverts. On the other hand, an introvert draws energy
from within. They may be outgoing, but need space to
recharge. These tend to really invest in only one or two friendships, and often
these are friends for life. For them it
is more quality than quantity.
For some, friendship comes easy. For
others, friendships don’t come easy at all. With this time-compacted, have more
to do then there is time to do it life we live, it can be hard for even the
most extrovert to include others in our lives. It is easy to slip into an
island mentality: this is what I have to do and this is what I have to do it
with. We hope we have the resources we
need on our little self-imposed island or just do without. However, the truth is that no man (or woman)
is an island. People need people. We each need a friend or two or a dozen. Friendships are vital.
Two are better than one, because they have a
good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But
pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down
together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may
be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not
quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-11
Help
– comfort – protection are all things we need and the Lord provides through
friendships.
As
believers, we should have some “out-in-the-world” friends. Inclusive, Christian-only friendships deprive
the world of hearing and seeing what the Lord means to us in a day-in, day-out,
living. We need to be in the world and
not of the world. Let me summarize what
the Lord has to say about us and the world this way:
God chose us OUT of the world (John 15:19) to partner with
Him, but left us IN the world (John 17:1,15) for the purpose of grace and
glory. He does not want us to be OF the world (John 17:15; Rom. 12:2; Phil.
3:20,21) because others would not see Him in us, but sends us INTO the world
(John 17:17,18) with the truth, to make an eternal difference IN this world.
Having
an impact for Christ in people’s lives means getting to know them, reaching out
to show you care and winning the audience to share the hope you have within
you. They won’t care what you think until they think you care. That takes spending quality time with them.
But
the real investment of time and energy that is a vital part of friendships
should be “one another friends” who reach out sacrificially to make sure all
the hats God hands us to wear (all the roles, responsibilities and
relationships) fit properly and enhance our godly beauty and serve His intended
purpose. To do and be all the Lord wants
for and from us, we need to be and to have “one another friends.”
Let’s
answer the question: What is a “one another friendship”? The Greek word is allelon. It is a reciprocal pronoun expressing a mutual
relationship. It is a uniquely defined
relationship or partnership that has something specific in common which
distinctly connects you with him, her or them.
All
friendships are built on some connection – a common bond. Some of those connections can be quite
ordinary or simple. Some can only be God
working to bring the two of you together.
Acquaintances begin with that initial link, but friendship takes it a
step farther. There is an emotional
connection, a natural affection that is real and unsolicited. The more time and
effort invested into the relationship, the more that friendship grows. In the Greek language, the natural feelings
of affection and caring between friends and family is identified as phileo. It refers to those feelings that
seem to simply choose us.
However,
“one another friends” don’t just have phileo
love for each other. They have agape love. It is the love of choice. The love that chooses to care and actually
love when the person is not at all lovable.
The love that keeps on loving even when doing so costs everything.
A friend loves at all times, ... Proverbs 17:17
Greater love has no one than this, that he
lay down his life for his friends. John
15:13
A
faith-based “one another friend” loves you, because she/he loves the One who
loved you first. Agape love comes from God and flows through you to them and them to
you.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for
love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7
This
love is received, reciprocated, applied and paid forward. It is because of their relationship with a
loving God, “one another friends” can “love one another deeply from the heart.”
Now that you have purified yourselves by
obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one
another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter
1:22
At
the very heart of a “one another friendship” is continually asking and
answering: How can I let Jesus love you through me?
Romans 12:10 lists two very
important ways.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.
Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
“One another friends” are devoted to each other. They
want the very best for the other and are willing to do whatever is necessary to
make that possible. In the process, so many of the “one another” commands of
Scripture are fulfilled. To
begin with, “one another friends” truly honor one another. In honoring, you allow your God-sent friend
to have a significant influence on you, giving his/her counsel added weight as
you strive to discern God’s will in any given situation. It also means allowing your “one another
friend” to carry a greater weight of your burdens – some times literally, other
times emotionally and spiritually. “One
another friends” are supposed to “bear one another’s burdens.”
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way
you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
The
law of Christ is concentrated into one word: “LOVE”.
"Of all the commandments,
which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered
Jesus, "is this: `Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: `Love your neighbor as
yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28b-31
"A new command I give you:
Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34
One
of the important things that “one another friendships” does is help us love
ourselves with a healthy self-love. A
healthy self-love provides and protects the heart, mind, body and soul God has
entrusted to each of us. It is the only way we can truly love God wholeheartedly and love others
selflessly.
Bearing
one another’s burdens means blending together each others strengths and
weakness.
We who are strong ought to bear
the weaknesses of those without strength and not just to please ourselves. Romans 15:1NAS
One’s
strengths don’t intimidate the other, nor does weaknesses turn the other off or
away. In this special friendship, each
brings her best and her worst. Together
they enhance, extend and enable each other – the very definition of submitting
to one another, which is another “one another” command.
Submit to one another out of
reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
We
can’t overlook the “out of reverence for Christ” part of this verse. It is out of gratitude to the grace and mercy[1]
the Lord pours into our lives, that we can in turn pour it freely into the life
of another.
Quoting
Alan Redpath, a well-known British pastor and author, “You never lighten
another’s load until you feel the pressure in your own soul.” This
is expressed in 1 Peter 3:8.
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one
another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8
“One
another friends” don’t feel sympathy.
You feel empathy. You know how to
“rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn
with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15), because the two of you are so in it
together that one’s pains and sorrows, as well as joys and victories, truly are
your own. In “one another friendships,”
your joy is multiplied and your sorrow is divided. “One another friends” know how to pray for
each other. “One another friends” know
what to do and not to do. “One another
friends” know what to say and not to say.
“One another friends” know what “time” it is according to Ecclesiastes
3:1-8.
There is a time for everything, and a season
for every activity under heaven: a time
to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to
kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to
weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to
scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to
refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to
throw away, a time to tear and a time to
mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I
especially appreciate the “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn
and a time to dance, and a time to be silent and a time to speak.” “One another friends” understand.
“One
another friends” accept each other warts and all, with all our quirks and
idiosyncrasies.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ
accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:7
Do
you realize that Jesus considers you a “one another friend?” All the attributes and actions instructed in
His word He already does on your behalf. The response should be praise. Truly
praising the Lord includes doing and being all He wants us to do and be. “One another friends” push and pull each
other towards that end.
And let us consider how we may spur one
another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24
You
only have to sit back on spurs once to get the point (literally). “One another friendships” get us and keep us
moving in the right direction. Sometimes that means pushing and addressing the
hard issues. Proverbs. 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted...”
We all need at least one relationship where our friend has earned the right to
wound - the right to address with love the hard issues that would destroy other
friendships. Who better than our
God-sent “one another friend?”
“Encourage,”
“help,” “comfort” and “exhort” are all translations of one Greek word – parakletos, which means to come
alongside. It referred to a companion,
friend, mentor and partner who invests his/her life and resources into making
the one he/she comes along side everything he/she could possibly be. Encouraging and building each other up is an
essential attribute of “one another friendships.”
Therefore encourage one another and build
each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“One
another friendships” are always at least a trio.
For where two or three come
together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20
As
sisters and/or brothers in Christ, your coming together physically across the
table, shopping in the mall, or over a phone line, brings the Lord into the
mix. No wonder all that the Lord desires
to accomplish by our obedience to His “one another” instructions are achieved
in this unique and wonderful friendship.
It is truly a precious gifts He wants to share with His children.
Where
do you find this kind of friend?
(1) Be one.
Invest deeply
in others. They will reciprocate. Study
what God has to say about being a One Another Friend and intentionally apply
those characteristics to the
relationships you have.[2]
(2) Ask for one.
The Lord will truly honor this godly desire.
(3) Seek one(s) among your sisters and brothers
in Christ who strive for Christlikeness.
Jesus is the perfect friend. We
are truly blessed when He calls us His friend, as He does in John 15:14. We are doubly blessed when we have friend(s)
that pattern their lives and friendship after Him – available, authentic, and
accessible. We are blessed by them, and
we are a blessing when we are this kind of friend.
It is my
heartfelt prayer that God will send each one of you a “one another friend.” And
if He already has, express your appreciation (to Him and them) and celebrate
this wonderful gift from the Father. My
prayer is also that you will also bring the “one another” love and defining
attributes and actions to ALL the relationshps where you share a defining
common bond. Beginning with friendships
and expanding out to all interactions and relationships. You will have to look for and identify the
commonality. Rather than judging and looking for what seperates you, you need
to look for what you share, what makes her/him/them a “one another.” If we
treated EVERY fellow human being as a “one another,” it would change the world.
[1] Grace is the
manifestation of the attributes and characteristics of Christ. It shows up in a thousand ways, including
patience, forgiveness, second chances, unconditional love and acceptance. Grace can be defined as getting what we do
not deserve. Mercy is the withholding of
judgment, just due punishment, lightened consequences and restrained power and
rights. Mercy can also be defined as not getting what you do deserve. Both of these are about our worth while still
acknowledging our unworthiness.
[2]
For my own sake, I have made a list of all the “one another” commands in the New
Testament, the corresponding references, Greek word(s) and meaning. This list
is freely available to anyone who wants a copy as a launching place for your
own heart and mind changing study. Just use the envelope ikon below to email me your request. I hope to hear from you.