Grace and the Depressed

But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so depressed morning after morning? 2 Samuel 13:3,4a

“Why are you so depressed morning after morning?”  When that question aptly fits a friend or family member it is kind of hard to know whether to be concerned or annoyed. According to Colossians 4:6, our response needs to always be with grace.

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.  Colossians 4:6

Nonetheless, we need to know the reason that person is “depressed morning after morning” to help us know what that grace needs to look like. Grace, like salt, needs different quantities and applications to be helpful not harmful.

There are five primary causes of depression:

1.    Physical – an emotional response to a physical imbalance.  Physical imbalances are not self-correcting. Change requires changing! “Simply” changing how you think seldom fixes a physical imbalance. Grace helps them figure out what physical change needs to be and helps them make it, whether it be medication, diet, exercise, etc..

2.    Spiritual attack.   This also has several different components:

a.    Satan is threatened by what the Lord is doing in or through his or her life.

b.    He is taking advantage of a physical, emotional or spiritual vulnerability in order to thwart the work or testimony of Christ.

c.    Spiritual apathy or arrogance on their part has left them armor-less.
Grace comes along side to raise our shields of faith cover vulnerable areas. Grace also helps them put on their full armor to stand firm in battle.

3.   Others! Forced to deal with the fall out of the choices others make as well as someone else’s circumstances over which neither they nor you have any control can be depressing.  Grace builds up and encourages graciousness in them despite what they did not cause nor can change.

4.    Life.  There are so many things outside of our control that impact us. It isn’t personal. It is life in a world reeling from paradise lost.  When life itself is depressing, grace helps find acceptance, joy and peace in the presence and partnership of Christ.

5.    Sin! They are wrong. They know it. But they want what they want and are miserable because they can’t have it or are reeling from the consequences of insisting on having their own way. God warns us in Deuteronomy 28:65 that willful rejection of Him will result in a “despair of soul.”  

There the LORD will give you an anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart. You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life. Deuteronomy 28:65b-66

When sin is the cause, grace speaks truth in love with the intent of their becoming more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15).

Before the right grace can be bestowed, the reason why they are depressed must be ascertained. They often don’t know.  Grace helps them figure it out as well as you.

Read 2 Samuel 13:1,2    Which of these was the cause of Amnon’s depression: physical imbalance, spiritual attack, others, life or sin?

Read Genesis 4:1-6.  What was the cause of Cain’s depression and sulking: physical imbalance, spiritual attack, others, life or sin?

Abel was a shepherd. Cain was a farmer. It wasn’t about who was better or even which offering was superior. Abel gave sacrificially. “The firstlings” represented a dependent faith on God. When he gave the first lamb born to his flock or a particular ewe, there were no guarantees that there would be other lambs.  It was a matter of trust.  When shared with God, he gave God the best part. God clearly communicated His pleasure.

Cain gave some of what he had: what was comfortable, convenient, controllable and of nominal cost.  Cain came on his own terms and God clearly communicated His displeasure. This ticked Cain off and sent him off to have a gala size pity party.

Depression: discouragement, despondency, disgust, disillusionment and feeling diminished or dismissed, often disguises itself as anger. God’s question to Cain was very similar to the question he asked Jonah.

Read Jonah 3and 4.  What was the cause of Jonah’s depression and sulking: physical imbalance, spiritual attack, others, life or sin?

Why did God persist on wanting to involve Jonah?   He obviously didn’t want to do it, even when he finally did it. He didn’t care about the people. He was more concerned that God not doing what he said God was going to do made him look bad. There had to be others He could of sent. He could have sent angels or raised up someone within Ninevah. Why Jonah? Why us?  Because it isn’t just about what God can do through us, but what He wants to do in us through it.  Jonah needed to go to Ninevah as much as or more than they needed him to come – and remember, their very existence depended his going and warning them of impending destruction.

The book of Jonah ends with a question mark – an unanswered question. Until Jonah “forgave” God, he was stuck on a hillside of anger and depression.  Is there a need to “forgive” God for doing things you don’t understand in ways you don’t agree with? This is a very serious question. Forgive means to let it go. Unforgiveness – holding it against Him -  keeps us from seeing His grace and glory at work in our lives and in our world. Often the first step towards acceptance and moving forward is “forgiving” God.  Please note: there is a big difference between acceptance and resignation. We don’t know how much longer Jonah hung out there waiting.  We can get stuck sulking on a hillside for a very long time waiting for God to agree with and submit to us.  Some people spend a lifetime on a lofty perch of depression and anger waiting for God to let them be god.

Cain was angered and depressed over God not doing what he wanted God to do. He too was waiting for God to agree with him and consider his offering just as good as his brother’s offering. God wasn’t going to change His mind or settle as Cain’s best was His priority. Actually, God confronted Cain about his anger and sulking.

If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up?  Genesis 4:7a

NIV says, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?”  The Hebrew word is se’et – elevated, exalted, dignified. God was telling him, “Do what is right and you will experience the high you are after, feel great, have a sense of dignity.”

At that point, it was all about him; how he felt. God appealed to his being self-absorbed. Why is that wise to remember when we need to deal with those who are “depressed morning after morning”?  What is the priority of people locked in the self-absorption of depression? Feeling better. The only way they can imagine feeling better is getting or doing what they want. Cain wanted his offering accepted on his terms. Amnon wanted the attention and affection of his half-sister Tamar.

God knew getting what they wanted was NOT going to make them feel better. “If you want to feel better, than do what is right.”  Cain apparently knew what that was. We know Amnon did as well. 

“And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”  Genesis 4:7b

We desperately need to see sin as a living willful entity.  It is right there waiting to pounce.  The word translated “desire” is teshuqua – longing to control.  Have you experienced the lingering threat of sin wanting to control you or a specific aspect of your life? We all have. Look at how Paul describes the struggle in Romans 7:15-8:2.

“No longer” does not mean that sin is no longer crouching at the door and wanting to take control.  As long as we live in this upside-down world where “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV), sin will be a threat.  The difference is “a new power is in operation.”   We have the power and presence of the Holy Spirit to properly respond to the ongoing threat.  “You must master it.”  The Hebrew word is mashal – to have power over.  It is about consistently making very specific choices.

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.  Romans 6:12-14

The most important member of our bodies that must be presented to God as instruments to be used for righteousness is our minds.  Our minds - how we think and what we think about – are the doorways where sin is crouching.  If we don’t take every thought captive (2Corinthians 10:5,6), sinful thinking has a very sneaky way of slithering in and taking over.

Is there a “line” where thoughts have not yet become “sin”?  Apparently so! Cain’s initial offering wasn’t pleasing to God. He had acted, most likely without much thought. God gave him an opportunity to make the necessary adjustments. Now sin was crouching at the door.  He had reached that “line.”  It can be a very fine line, and reached very quickly.

By Jesus’ day, the general opinion was as long as you didn’t cross that “line” with actions you could think about it as long and to whatever extent you wanted.  Justification: it is just in my head, I’m not hurting anyone. Jesus confronted that lie in Matthew5:21,22, and 27,28. He knew that “line” could be crossed long before words were said or deeds were done.  Do it in your head, and the line gets crossed.

Why is there an internal line before there is an external crossing? Because crossing it hurts you! God isn’t being mean; He is being protective.  We have to remember that how we think shapes who we are.

Earlier I asked, what was the cause of Cain’s and Amnon’s depression?  I’m not sure if the causes would go under sin or spiritual attack. I guarantee Satan was taking advantage of what was going on in their heads.  Simply dancing along the line of sin can make a person depressed.  Grace gets in there and helps them back away – far away – from the line that tumbles them into sin and greater depression.

When others are “depressed morning after morning,” it requires our caring and getting involved. Prayerfully, the Holy Spirit will give us the right questions to ask to ascertain the cause.  Then our loving and gracious response can be just the right one to help them find and apply the grace they need.