[Lesson 8 in a series on juggling roles, relationships and responsibilities.]
An
excellent wife, who can find? For her
worth is far above jewels.NAS
A wife of noble
character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.NIV - Proverbs
31:10
We
have a love-hate reaction to the Proverb 31 woman. We would really love to be that
kind of woman and wife. Yet, the way it reads, it seems to set an unachievable
standard. We hate how inadequate we feel
when we compare ourselves to this master hat juggler. Take heart! It really
isn’t that farfetched. As we look closer at what all she is actually
doing, we will discover it truly is possible.
We too can be an incredible woman, a wife who “is worth far more than rubies,” a master hat juggler.
I
will begin by giving away her most important secret: She keeps her
priorities in order. By keeping them
in order I mean she knows what is most important. This does not necessarily mean the order in
which things are done. Keeping
priorities in order more often then not means taking care of the less important
things so you can give full and quality attention to higher priorities.
One
of the first things we need to notice is that her relationship with God is not
mentioned. That is because in the context of Proverbs it is a given. God is not meant to be a priority. He is
meant to be our life. Acts 17:28NIV says “For
in Him we live and move and have our being.” Galatians 2:20NIV
states, “I have been crucified with
Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the
body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
Jesus and His Lordship is to be our life.
All our priorities fit with in our partnership with Him. Think of it like a shopping
cart. Your priorities are individually
bagged, but unless they are placed within the sufficiency of His grace, you
cannot carry them all. We cannot even attempt to be a
Proverbs 31 woman without Him.
Priority
#1: Her husband
11-12
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days
of her life.NAS
Her husband has full confidence
in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life NIV
The
issue of trust cannot be understated. Respect (assigned value) is required.
Trust, on the other hand, is earned and preserved. A godly wife earns her
husband’s total trust in all areas of their marriage. Because of her trustworthiness, a godly wife
is a plus to him emotionally, spiritually, materially, financially, and
socially. She is an asset not a debit to him.
She adds to what he lacks. Multiplies what he is, has and does.
In
the King James Version of the Bible, the second part of this verse actually
refers to the fact that because of her, her husband had “no need of spoil.” This
referred to men having to join war parties in order to obtain spoils of war simply
to add to their earnings to meet obligations or needs. In other words, the
husband of a godly wife does not have to get a second job just to support her whims,
excesses or wastefulness that puts extra demands on the family income. This is not referring to those times when
expenses exceed a single income and require a second source of revenue, whether
it be a second job or both working. It does refer to a need brought on by
extravegance or carelessness.
Making
him priority #1 means he matters! A godly wife is consistently good to
her husband and for him, regardless of present situation or demands. She
is constantly striving to enhance, extend and enable him to be all God desires
and designed. All her
words, actions and attitudes, convey how important he truly is to her.
Priority
#2: Present needs of family &
household
13 She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in
delight. NAS
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.NIV
This
excellent woman shopped wisely for materials for family clothing and
furnishings. Wool was used for winter; flax was used for summer. She wisely selects appropriate clothing for the weather,
as well as for the home so that it is functional and energy efficient. This is not saying that a godly woman has to
sew or wear homespun clothing. In 1000BC, this meant working with her hands to
turn “raw” materials into useful items. She didn’t have a choice. We do. The
point here is being practical, appropriate and creatively involved in making
sure the family has what is needed.
Don’t
miss her enjoyment in being creative. Being creative is one of the wonderful
ways we have been made in God’s image. Creativity
adds a personal touch that expresses love. However, creativity does require
extra effort. That creativity shows up in the everyday aspects of life,
including what is served at meals.
14 She
is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.NIV
In
Biblical times, there wasn’t a Walmart or local grocery store with aisles and
aisles to choose from. The majority of
her food came out of the garden in the backyard. If she wanted or needed anything she could
not grow or make, especially imported items such as spices, she literally had
to barter home produced items for items she needed. Today applying this particular verse means going
to different stores and taking advantage of sales, couponing, farmer’s market,
etc. to add variety to the menu.
15 She
gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. NIV
Unfortunately,
this one is what it sounds like. It is
necessary to get up before everyone else.
This gives you a chance to commit your day to the Lordship of Jesus
Christ and prayerfully organizes your day and that of the household. It also gives you a running start in meeting
your family’s needs, beginning with preparing a good healthy breakfast. If you
have small children, it may be the only time to call your own all day long.
Since a Mom sets the tone of the home, having a few minutes to yourself in the
morning gives you a chance to make any necessary attitude adjustment before
damage can be inflicted.
Don’t
be in too big a hurry to skip over the last part of verse 15. In a few words,
it makes a powerful point: a godly woman has a servant’s heart. This woman was a woman of some means and had
several servants, but instead of laying back and being served, she fed them and
delegated their duties. In our lifetime,
we will most likely never have “servants,”
but we do have children. In this
verse, we find that this woman of excellence took the time and effort to give “portions to her servant girls” - lay out
their day’s responsibility and make sure they had everything they needed to do
what was expected of them. “He who fails
to plan, plans to fail” really goes with housework and the demanding schedule
children have these days. If you do not
figure out what works for your family, you will end up stressed out and
carrying the whole load. The work of the
home is a team effort that requires a quarterback. Either extreme of your doing
it all or depending on others to do it is detrimental to the family’s
well-being.
16 She
considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a
vineyard. NIV
Assessing
the family requirements, she determined that there was a need to increase the
family’s garden (the primary source of food) and apparently there was no more
room in the backyard. So, she sought out the right property and purchased
it. Since not all areas were suitable
for planting. Finding a good field required a technical knowledge of soil and
location, as well as investment knowledge to know if it was a good buy.
This
woman of excellence never let “being a woman” justify ignorance. If she needs to know something to make wise
decisions for her family, she makes the effort to learn. Today this may mean becoming computer savy,
get a firm understanding on retirement plans, investment opportunities,
etc.. It may mean researching better
gardening techniques, or learning how to sew.
There is no limit on what we can learn if we have a teachable spirit.
She
invests her time, her labor, and her own money to plant the family “cash” crop.
A godly woman invests her resources into her family. Sometimes our resources are not financial,
but time, skill, gifts and talents. These are to be used for the benefit of the
family, not just for our own pleasure.
17a She
sets about her work vigorously; NIV
She
is a woman of labor not leisure. If we
are realistic, neither are we. She was
completely involved in all aspects of her household, not just housework. Her effort and enthusiasm about what she does
is described as “vigorous” – more inspiration, than perspiration. There is a passion in what she
does. We do the same when we put our
heart into what we do and make what we do an expression of love.
Priority
#3: Physical self
17b... her arms are strong for her tasks.NIV
17 She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
NAS
A
woman of excellence makes an effort to take care of herself, increasing and
maintaining her physical strength and health with exercise and healthy
eating. I confess this is one priority I
prefer to just eliminate from the list, but the reality is that a family with a
sick or weak mom is definitely handicapped. Doing everything possible to be
healthy is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family and your God. A well-balanced understanding regarding what
it means to “love yourself” is required. You have to love and care for yourself
if you are going to fully love and care for others.
Priority
#4: Community
18a
She sees that her trading is profitable, NIV
She senses that her gain is good; NAS
We
see words like “profitable” and “gain” and it is easy to deduce this means what
she gets out of it. There is slight element to this, but actually the flow is
outward not inward. A godly woman has a
sense of pride in what she had to offer others. If she is going to trade her
produce, products, time and effort, she makes sure what she is offering is the
best.
Partnering
with God in what you do for others enables you to extend grace and be gracious
in all you do.
Therefore
be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your
time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what
the will of the Lord is. Ephesians 5:15-17 NAS
The
word translated “evil” is ponoros,
the adjective form of ponos, which means “that which demands furll strength.” “The days are demanding.” Being gracious and
wise requires discerning God’s will for your day, your situation, your
life. Then when you says “Yes,” you will find what you do is energizing rather
than draining. By keeping our priorities in
order, we are able to give and do our
best for the good of others, without sacrificing our families or selves in the
process. You will be able to do it with excellence as to the Lord who is
worthy of nothing less. In
God’s wonderful circle of grace, being graciously involved in our community,
church, neighborhood and schools will always flow back in blessing our
families.
18b Her lamp
does not go out at night. NAS
No,
this does not mean that she was a superwoman who never goes to bed. In Ancient East, a lamp left burning in the
home of citizens of means signified their availability – a sign of hospitality
and a haven for the distressed. In the dark or a storm, it was a beacon of hope, safety
and maybe even salvation. Have you ever
heard the phrase “I’ll keep the porch light on?” This is that same sense of welcome and
availability. The lamp
also signified prosperity - the means to help the needy. In desperate times it was where they could
go and know they would be helped. When others know you are there for them, if and when they needed you, then your lamp does not go out either.
19 In
her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. NIV
This
one needs a little explaining as its meaning gets lost in our modern world. The
distaff and spindle was used to spin yarn and weave the heavy-duty, courser,
material used for clothing the poor. It assured that what they were given was
useful and would sustain them through the difficult time. This took more work
than passing on worn “hand-me-downs.”
In her reaching out to others less fortunate than herself, a godly woman
gives generously and from a standard of quality. Their needs, not her convenience, is
prioritized.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends
her hands to the needy. NIV
This
simply means, she responds to calls for help and she offers and seeks out
opportunities to serve.
Priority
#5: Future needs of family and household
21 When
it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in
scarlet.NIV
In
Israel, severe winter storms arrived quickly and unannounced and being
unprepared could be more than inconvenient, it could be life threatening. A godly woman is prepared for unexpected hard
times, thus eliminating many unnecessary fear and anxiety. “Scarlet” referred
to a material known for its warmth and luxuriousness. This meant she was prepared for the expected
as well as the unexpected, especially the coming of winter. Since she knows
winter is coming, she plans ahead for her family needs. The proper clothes is
in the closet for when they needed it. She isn’t caught with sudden plummeting
temperatures in the fall to find last years winter coat was two sizes too
small. Does she ever get caught off
guard? Of course! Being prepared for the expected allows us to roll with the
unexpected.
Priority
#6: Public Image
22She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine
linen and purple. NAS
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple. NIV
Fine
tapestry was used for bed covers, rugs, wall hangings, room dividers and
doors. For the most part in Solomon’s
day these had to be made. Thus she sewed
for herself and home using the finest material available. A godly woman takes
pride and effort in how she dresses and how her home is furnished because it
reflects on her personally and on her family.
Again sewing is not the issue here, but the balanced pride and effort
that goes into appearances. The
important thing here is the order in which this falls in the priority list.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.NIV
Her
home and how she looks and acts directly reflects on her husband. This godly wife’s husband held a place of
leadership in his town (remember we are referring to advice being given to the
future King of Israel). The point is,
wherever the husband works or does away from her, the godly wife has a positive
impact on him. “Isn’t that _______’s wife” was never said in a derogative
fashion. Actually he may even have been
known as ________’s husband! A godly
wife makes sure that is always a good thing to say.
24She
makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. NIV
In
this particular example of a godly woman, she had her own position and
reputation in the town as a businesswoman. She sold beautifully hand-made linen
garments and elaborately embroidered belts. Her merchandise was of such quality
it was not only sold locally but on the export market as well. Whether she works full-time, part-time or
volunteered, a godly woman offers her very best, thus, what she has to offer
will be desired and appreciated because of its quality. It may be only time, a listening ear, or a
helping hand you have to give, but when you do give your best.
25-26 Strength
and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the
teaching of kindness is on her tongue. NAS
Her
outstanding feature is not her physical appearance, but the self-confidence and
high self-esteem she possesses. A godly
woman is not known as a worrier, but one who joyfully looks forward to
tomorrow’s challenges. She also knows
the power of a good sense of humor. She displays great wisdom in what she says
and when she speaks. Her words are
characterized by thoughtfulness and kindness, not domineering or offensive.
27 She
watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of
idleness. NIV
This
woman knows how to mind her own business at all times. When priorities are
correctly aligned and a godly woman is doing all God wants her to do, it has
her full attention. Gossip,
busy-bodiness, and ungodly distractions are not a problem. She is never lazy or fills her time with
frivolous nothingness. This does not
mean she does not take a break or enjoy some time off. Laziness is a characteristic of apathy and
self-absorption. Since a godly woman
gives herself to the Lord and pursues her passions accordingly, these
characteristics are foreign to her nature.
What
is the result of having all her priorities in order?
27-29 Her
children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." NIV
Her
children think she is the greatest and make sure everyone knows it. Her husband has the highest praise for her
and declares publicly “She is the best!”
What more could any woman ask for?
Any and all sacrifices that result in such an honor are truly worth any
effort.
30 Charm
is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be
praised.NIV
However,
even more wonderful then being praised by your husband and children, is the
result that you will be praised by the Lord.
Proper priorities are a direct result of a right relationship with the
Lord. “Fear of the Lord” is responding with respect and obedience to God’s
rightful place of authority and power over your life. When we praise God and bless Him consistently
with our thoughts, words, and actions, He in turn praises and blesses us.
31 Give
her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city
gate. NIV
Finally,
she is also respected and praised by her peers and fellow man.
God
wants each of us to be a Proverb 31 woman juggling with grace all the roles,
responsibilities and relationships He give us.
We are given a model to follow.
We are also told how:
I can do everything through Him
who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13NIV
It
is overwhelming at times, but His grace, His strength, His provisions, His
wisdom, and His companionship is always there for us. He wants all of us to get straight A’s in Hat
Juggling 101.
